Have you ever felt like everything you’re doing is rubbing everyone the wrong way? Have you heard from those around you that you are “just way too much”? And at the same time, you’re still not enough for everyone else? Or here is my favorite, “you’re too opinionated”. If any of these ring a bell, I get it.
For most of my life, I was high-strung. No one sat down and schooled me to be that way. It was just who I was. Internally, how I felt about certain things was usually ten times more intense than any girl in a room. That was just how God created me. However, my whole life, I thought He made me too determined to get my point across and be understood. Or maybe I was just born into the wrong family and chose all the wrong friends. They never seemed to share my opinions or were never as passionate about what I considered to be important.
I grew up in a family that wholeheartedly believed children and women were made to be seen and not heard. If you stood up for yourself or voiced an unpopular opinion, you were labeled as rude and overbearing. It made me feel like I was too much for my family and the world. Furthermore, I felt separated from the people around me. Just being myself made them feel uncomfortable or insecure.
Mentally beaten by the time I hit my mid-30s, I turned on myself. I believed that I was just unlovable, too impatient, and basically in a losing battle. Confused, I decided to correct my defects. I began caring less about everything and focused more on being more agreeable and likable. I then found myself questioning and second-guessing every innate instinct I had. At this point, if I spoke my truth, I thought doing so would trigger the person I was speaking with. Essentially, I beat my personality into submission to be somebody that I was really not. Sometimes out of nowhere came my high-strung personality and overzealous emotions. Then lo and behold another potential relationship would go nowhere because it was too much. Exhausted, I didn’t know what else to do because you have to have friends and real connections to live happily.
I have come to realize that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. It’s an act of survival. – Andre Lorde
Anyway, I started doing work on myself. I began meditating and praying. That fired up what would become a powerful moment in my life. I realized that God intentionally made me high strung. He blessed me with sharp critical thinking skills and it wasn’t a mistake. When you grow up in a world where you feel forced to conform, you never learn self-care. You never learn that the Mercedes-Benz engine that you have inside of you requires a lot of long-term care. To get the best out of it, you have to learn how to master and care for it. And so, I embraced my high-strung spirit. However, I needed to learn and unlearn some things. For starters, there are effective practices that can change your life, relationships, and connections with people.
I don’t believe, though, it is possible to be able to walk in all God intended you to be until you take care of number one. That alone time is essential to stay grounded and reach your highest potential. For most of us, it can be extra challenging to plan some “me” time. However, having me-time i.e. a pampering nighttime skincare routine and/or having a set time to exercise each day is imperative. Taking care of yourself every day is good for your well-being and those around you. The first thing you have to master is learning to make me-time a priority. Treat it like an important appointment or meeting that you can’t afford to miss.
Research shows that time alone strengthens your sense of empathy and self-awareness, promotes creativity and innovation, and improves your relationships. Alone time can even fine-tune your social skills. It also promotes independence and confidence in one’s ability to cope without always depending on social support.
Last, by spending time with yourself, you’ll likely make better choices about the hills you want to die on. Metaphorically speaking, is the hill you’re defending worth dying over? If not, then let the other side have it and make a strategic retreat. Doing so will enable you to conserve your energy and live to fight another day.