There are habits we all have (and do not have) that cause us to waste more time than we are conscious of at the moment. Surprisingly, my biggest time wasters were not spending too much time scrolling Instagram or poorly managing tasks. Those are, of course, bad habits, but there were much bigger concerning ones that deserved my immediate attention. I have put my finger on three things that were holding me back over the years. I am sure most of you can relate to them too. Making tweaks in the areas below will most likely grant you access to more time, energy, and opportunities to grow.
NOT ASKING FOR HELP
I used to shy away from asking. I feared looking weak or incompetent in front of my colleagues, partner, or family members. I was sure that my superwoman reputation would be spoiled. That’s if I dared to let down my guard and admit I didn’t have it all figured out. But, I was wrong. My refusal to admit when I felt lost and needed help delayed too many things. I had to admit that my biggest mistake was not swallowing my pride and owning up in the very beginning.
Asking for help enables us to surround ourselves with positive people. They can make us feel good and facilitate further development. These people also create optimism and hope that we can deal with challenging situations, which improves our resilience. When we ask for help and obtain feedback, we can overcome setbacks and grow. Those are key traits needed to enhance our resilience.
A recent review of the research showed that asking for assistance, or sharing problems, demonstrates to others that we want to develop a relationship. Also, by sharing information, we can create a positive impression of ourselves. People who are willing to share information are seen as more trusting, friendly, and warm. These are the attributes people look for when choosing who to develop a relationship with.
TRYING TO MAKE BAD RELATIONSHIPS WORK
A relationship is at its best when both people are putting in the same amount of effort. That means you both want to work on problems, and you’re both invested in the future. These are all signs of a fair and balanced relationship,–one where both of you want the same thing.
If your relationship is dysfunctional, the balance will always feel off. You’ll start to see you’re the only one who takes initiative, and it’ll leave you feeling drained, unappreciated, and lonely. Moreover, your partner will either not notice, or not care to change once you speak up.
Certainly, you may be tempted to hold onto them anyway. That’s especially if you feel like you’ve invested a lot of time and energy. But you deserve someone who puts in an equal amount of effort. In the right relationship, it will no longer seem like you’re the only one who cares or that you’re wasting your time. I learned this lesson the hard way.
Worrying Too Much About Other People
It’s easy to waste time worrying about other people. Your close friends and family should mean a lot to you, and you want to spend time nurturing them when needed. However, we also can spend a lot of precious time worrying about people that don’t matter in the long run.
For instance, I spent years being annoyed with people who constantly undermined me. I bitched about them, tried to analyze them, questioned what was wrong with me that triggered their negative uncalled-for behavior. Those habits always got me nowhere and left me emotionally drained. The older I got, the less tolerant I became of their behavior though. Learning how to desensitize my triggers. That’s by keeping things in perspective and developing a thick skin is what ultimately saved me.
Furthermore, I realized that it does not pay to care too much about other people’s opinions of you as no one truly knows you. Instead, spend time every day getting to know yourself. Think about what matters most to you. Reflect on your history and how you have grown or evolved as a person.